The age of lovers
In the modern world looks at the relationship in the pair have become more democratic than ever before. And while most of the spouses are of the same generation (the age difference is 10 years or less), a little surprise for someone a big age difference couples.
This topic is of special interest to the public and is often discussed in the circle of psychologists, in magazines and on talk shows.
The content of the article
A look into the past
Several centuries ago the ratio of steam from one generation and those who have age difference of 20 years or more, was the opposite of the current situation.
The norm was considered a marriage in which the husband could fit my wife with fathers or even grandfathers. Sometimes, the age difference is 30 years old!
To support a family was considered a great responsibility, so only after a man has lived a decent life, earned some equity and reputation in the society, he made the decision to marry. In this situation, the choice was in favor of young brides, can give birth to healthy children.
When choosing a husband or wife was watching in the first place not on the compatibility for the age difference, and the viability and status of the groom, as well as on beauty, health and housekeeping of the bride.
That find pairs, unequal from the point of view of maturity? Men, as a rule, leads to beauty, vitality, young girls.
On its background the man feels healthier and younger. In addition, an important role for every man’s playing status in society. The young wife may be perceived as a trophy, a status highlight of her husband.
In turn, in a Mature companions girls are attracted to intelligence, life experience, financial independence. Psychologists believe that in his chosen woman can subconsciously see the image of the father, especially when there was the age difference is 30 years. But such a role transfer is possible and at a lower age range.
It would seem that the Union must be ideal due to the fact that the partners complement each other. Indeed, the beauty and intelligence, maturity and a certain levity of youth, experience and dreams – together create a beautiful picture.
However, it is not so simple, there are pitfalls that can destroy at first glance a bright future.
Why in our time, such opposite people who have age difference of 20 years or more, strive to be together? Psychologists try to address the underlying motives for this choice.
If a Mature man seeks to find only a young girl, then there can be one or more hidden motives:
he competes with his friends (who has a girlfriend younger than the winner, stronger male);
the infantile man, he wants his life with a companion younger than him, hoping that it will be controlled by him in all (if the age difference is 10 years or more, unable to oppose his opinion to the desires of her husband);
partner wants to dazzle the perfect way to re-educate the beloved;
on the background of the young wife Mature husband looks Maligawa and healthier.
The same motifs can be present in women. In our days became more frequent marriages in which the woman is significantly older than her chosen.
Detractors can say what beloved acts in the role of son or Alphonse, uses partner for selfish motives. A woman, as a rule, is accused of immaturity, the desire to rejuvenate for the account of the elect, to hide the signs of aging.
For many couples it is difficult to stay together for a long time. On the one hand, spouses can deal with the fact that his wife can not give birth to a son or daughter his young husband, on the other hand, the woman will feel the growing discomfort from the fact that she gradually loses the appeal.
Fearing that her cast, the spouse may become extremely jealous, suspicious and even hysterical. The situation is getting oblique views of the compassionate friends and colleagues, and caustic remarks of relatives.
What happens if the couple does not understand the hidden motives that are present in your relationship?
Of course, to re-educate another is impossible. It is also impossible to infinitely increase self-esteem at the expense of the partner. Young wife can accuse her husband that he does not walk with her to dances and parties, and the husband unsuccessfully trying to re-educate a wife, constantly teaching her “wits”, but it is windy.
Psychologically Mature man or woman will be more comfortable and more interesting, if less than 6 years age difference – I have a couple more General topics for communication, closer position in life belong to the same generation.
The peaks of sexual activity in men and women occur in different years. Men are most active in 19-22 years, women in 28-30 years.
Sometimes older women subconsciously choose young and active boys.
This gives a 6 years age difference is ideal from the point of view of sexual temperament. Young girls and Mature men can also match in a sexual requests as the needs of the female partner is still not great, and her choice has already passed the peak of its activity.
You need to understand that over time you may experience problems in the bedroom of the spouses, when a woman reaches her maturity.
Will work on the age difference depends not only and not so much on sexual appetites, what is the relationship of the pair. Only with a sincere desire to give and not just receive, invest energy in a relationship, to listen and understand your partner, there may be a long happy relationship.
Once in a relationship begin to dominate selfish motives and manipulative strategies, the future of the pair becomes compromised.
You need to remember to save your relationship
To partners belonging to different generations, have kept their relationship for a long time, you first need to trust each other and don’t listen to the detractors. Need to sculpt happiness with his own hands. Here are just some tips on how to save a relationship when the age difference.
1. Do not get hung up on numbers
Forget about the numbers and behave appropriately to the situation. Sometimes 20-year-old girl may behave quite maturely. The magic of relationship – in the person of the partners, their perception of the world here and now.
2. Admit the identity of the chosen one to another generation
In a situation where, say, the age difference is 20 years, you cannot dismiss the fact that the partners belong to different generations with their mental features. Growing up in different times, on specific films, in a different political era, the husband and wife have deep psychological differences, which, as a minimum, need to be aware of.
Forewarned is forearmed. Understanding the differences allows a couple to adjust to each other.
3. Find common interests
If a man and a woman together for a long time, so they hold common interests. It is understood that unites the couple to concentrate on the shared views and Hobbies, to come together, forgetting about the slander of enemies.
4. Fight for the relationship
Big age difference makes you wonder, what is the explanation of the pair. It should take a sober look at the situation, analyze your feelings and thoughts. If tender affection rests only on the fact that the man was wealthy, ensure the rear, it’s not fair to him to continue such a relationship.
Sooner or later the situation will spiral out of control, the secret will be revealed. If your thoughts are pure, and the feelings are really strong, you should make every effort to keep the love.
5. Seek support
Much easier to keep the relationship, if a couple are supporting loved ones – friends and family. If you find those of like-minded people who will be sensitive to the fact that the lovers is a significant difference in age, it is much easier to withstand the inevitable crises and domestic conflicts.
6. Keep confidence in yourself
Without faith in themselves and high self-esteem easy to give up when the first tensions. One need not be ashamed of the fact that the partner is significantly older or younger. Life happened and his heart, so – the choice is justified.
There are many ways to keep the love there, where they joined in a couple of different generations.
Most likely, some time will be difficult to resist public opinion and to smooth internal roughness in communication with the elect. But love works wonders, sincere feelings will overcome any obstacle!