Sand war or children’s greed

So we graduated to playing in the sandbox. And, of course, faced with the very serious problem of joint games – the “sand war”. This is the problem child of greed.

In our yard the kids very much, and of different ages. So you have to deal with very different situations. Here we will talk today.

Let’s start with the question: “greed”

The issue of “child of greed” is beginning to worry the parents when their child is about 1.5 years.

During this period, the baby begins a new round of psychological development: an awareness of oneself as an independent person. Therefore, to talk about children’s greed, and even more so to call her baby “greedy” in this age it is still early. After all, the child learns to realize that he himself, and his personal belongings are untouchable.

And how parents behave at this age the baby will depend on who your child will grow: greedy, generous, or not able to refuse.

Psychologists have observed that a child whose parents were violently forced to share growing up:

* begin to act contrary to the actions of adults and become greedy in the slightest, guided by the principle of “yeah, I was banned, and now I’m a big, all can and won’t let nobody”

* can’t say no to others. After all, at a time when the child needed to learn to say “NO” (no, it’s my toy), parents “crushed” him with his authority and power. Very many adults who can’t refuse to give money (inconvenient), or allow you to “ride yourself” at work, for example.

Let’s look at two situations faced by almost all parents.

* child easily gives his toys, then he can’t get them back. * the child does not want to give up their toys


Here are two typical situations:

* the child plays with his toy, ran a Tomboy older and snatches a toy from the hands;

* the kid himself gives his toy, in the expectation that the other child will look and return, and the toy does not return, and because of their age your child is unable to pick her up.

The second situation is more difficult as the child shows generosity, waiting for the bounty to the answer, and the answer is no.

This situation often arises from us with Hannah. She always shares his toys (except the most favorite dolls and strollers is untouchable things). The kids take them and not give. Annie reaches out and sounds asks the toy back, and the child does not respond.

What to do in this case?

The best option – the mother agrees with the second child and changes the toy to another.

Where to get “another” toy? It can be your toy, but the other, or toy that baby.

If the contract fails to share the game. For example, recently one resourceful mommy on our site came up with an interesting way out:

“Girls (1 g 1 m and 1 G. 4 m) did not share the bear, and the mistress and the girlfriend really want them to play. Then Mom happily invited her along to ride the bear down the hill. The girls were surprised, and happily watched the mother. She put the bear on the hill, declared: “On your mark! Attention! March!” and bear head over heels rolled down. Both girls laughed, and then one of them got distracted and ran away”. The conflict is resolved.

You can also eliminate the problem of the conflict (to quickly hide the bear) and switch children’s attention to something else.

And yet, if peacefully solve the problem does not work – the task of the mother to return the toy to your baby, explaining to someone else’s child, that he took away the toy, and it should be returned. Only it must be done calmly and peacefully.

This is very important since your child needs to learn to defend their property and protect themselves. I am on this issue consulted with a child psychologist, and he reaffirmed that position.


In this situation, parents must maintain the position: “the child to share a toy, if he wants”. But if your toddler does not want – do not force. And not in any way call a child “greedy”. You should not be ashamed in front of other parents. Because the toy is the child’s property! And he has the right to dispose of it. And if he doesn’t want to share her, that’s his right.

Remember, the child may learn to realize that he and his things are not touch. Support him!

I liked the example cited by Tatiana, in her blog “the voice of the heart”, the same example, lead many psychologists.

Imagine that your adult daughter asks for your best outfit for her friend to go to the disco. Your reaction. Or son is asking to give your car to a friend to ride with a girl. You would agree. Or not?!

The feelings you will experience, if you find yourself in this situation? The same feelings are experienced by your children when they ask or take away a toy.

So – do not force!

It is also important to teach the child the concepts of “Own/Alien”. When Annie asks for a toy the other kids, and they’re not willing to share, I explain to the daughter that: “the toys of OTHERS, (emphasis on that word) and he plays them and doesn’t want to share, let’s go for a ride on the hill”.

Kids understand a lot, explain, teach by example, teach your kids.


I must say, take your time. Teach generosity by example. Only the generosity within the family, the generosity of loved ones and respected for the baby people will help to train him to be a generous person.

Even if you teach your child to share, it does not mean that he will be generous! Generosity is the internal status and the desire to give with joy!

Teach your child by example, and read books about generous animals or people, watch good cartoons (for example: “We shared an orange” or “Bag of apples”).

And remember: the best way to bring in a person’s greed is to get him to be generous!

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