How to deal with the “bad influence” on the child?
“My son is not very sociable, the group made friends with a boy who has problems with the neuroscience, behavior, probably some problem in the family. My child is now with him and plays, and with his old friends only communicates when it is not. And today the teacher drew my attention to a “bad” influence that each son when they are together, make sure you tear a class, he always persuades her son to all sorts of “nasties” that teaches “meanness”. I recently came before the walk, and my son and his friend are standing in front of the entrance to the toilet, pointing the finger at those who go on the potty, and laugh. A friend saw me first and stopped, embarrassed, and my son laughed on as if nothing strange is going on – he doesn’t even understand…
I have nothing against this boy, we all have problems, but I am concerned with the following issues:
1. Does this mean the propensity son to cravings for “bad companies”?
2. How should I behave? I understand that it is not correct to speak of what this bad boy, etc. I keep telling him that we must not forget his old friends, that you can play more fun and more enjoyable all together, etc.” (a question to the psychologist).
You’re absolutely right, prohibition of communication with the boy effect probably will not give, or even whet interest in this pastime. Make it secret, secret, and therefore particularly desirable. Thirst for fellowship with this “wrong boy” does not mean thrust son to bad companies. This thirst can only mean that this particular boy something caught son was interested, was able to be with him on the same wavelength. This can be understood if we start to talk confidentially with his son on the topic of friendship. For example, to talk about their friends from early childhood. It would be good to show pictures if you have them, if preserved; to remember a couple of interesting stories that happened with you, talk about your favorite games that you played. Thus, without a notation to Express the relation to friendship in General, the current state of Affairs and achieve the educational effect.
As for specific recommendations, you can do the following.
1. It is important to understand the impact – both good and bad – has the ability to go both directions. Now the son becomes like the boy, and in fact may be changing in his friend. In order to expand the influence in the opposite direction, you better know your son’s friend. Boy, judging from what You write, it’s really hard (neurological difficulties, there are problems in the family), cruel to deprive him of support for your son right now. Plus, if the son is to deny to communicate with this friend, you can get paradoxical reaction to strengthen friendship. If you invite a boy to visit, to meet him on the weekend, outside the garden, get to know him and to find a safe angle relationships.
Of course, that You will have to do double work (to make a correction of the behavior of two boys instead of one), but will benefit all. Thus, if this boy, now badly affecting Your son will make friends your whole family, the impact will be in the opposite direction. Now, not a boy-a bully will affect Your son, and Your family will nurture your son’s friend.
2. To extend the range of communication of the son, to make this boy one. and not the only nor the most interesting. To do this, you can actively walk-in guests, communicate with the children of friends, to travel to various playgrounds.
3. To talk to his son to understand that this boy attracted him, that unites them. Watch and read thematic things, discuss them in the vein of “what is good, what is bad”, shaping the worldview of the child. For example, it is possible to watch the animated film “Tim and Dima” with a song about friendship and discuss: who is this friend and what kind of person can be called.
It can be very difficult not to break into a notation in this form, the child will not perceive the information and begin to avoid “confidential-notational” of communication, so it is important not to cross that boundary between precept and friendly dialogue.