Since childhood I was prepared for the fact that someday I will become a mother. My parents tried to lay on me all that bright, kind and reasonable that would allow me to bring up her unborn child a real Man. Absorbing the history of grandmothers, mothers, aunts, older sisters, I was, as it seemed to me then, mentally prepared for her purpose as suddenly.
I must admit, I am not a coward, and it never has been, but the news about the pregnancy threw me, to put it mildly, in a slight daze. Frantically trying to collect will in a fist (and thoughts – in a bunch), I locked myself for a whole day in his room and was going to “think” of what is happening. Don’t think anything I was really happy, and a child conceived in love, but as it turned out, psychologically I was absolutely not prepared for the fact that my life is forever changed. Will laugh, but I was afraid of even the most minor changes, which were pictured in the imagination so vividly, as if they already happened. Now, as time passes, many of them seem to me to be sheer stupidity, but in order to realize this, I had a long way to go. It was hard, and alone, it seemed almost impossible, but, as often happens, came from an unexpected side. Thanks to the advice of a psychologist, books and conversations with family and friends, I step by step, day after day, month after month get rid of tormenting my fears, and now I know for sure is real.
Fear one: the fear of stout
You know, after reading the title just above, you smiled ironically. Still, I, too, always did, when heard from the lips of her friends: “I’ll never have one because I’m afraid to ruin your figure!” Such statements seemed to me to be the height of idiocy – just before the moment I got pregnant myself.
I’ve never been a “chunk” is endowed with long legs, flat stomach and beautiful Breasts, and therefore to any diet never used. But it happened to me a real panic, and I, already in the fourth month, began desperately trying to “keep in shape”, and then indulging in something. However, this is not salasala, stomach, not stopping, increased, and morale deteriorated. At some point I was ready to refuse food. From fatal errors, I was saved by my mother.
Of course, her words about what I just kill my baby, really got to me quite seriously. But even more important was the help of her became a kind of “meal plans” that it is every day for me was. Having some background in nutrition, she turned in my diet all the essential for health (and my child), but it didn’t allow me to overeat or “coachnet”, and then dragging from the kitchen sweets.
As a result, during the pregnancy I gained only eleven pounds, the lion’s share of which, as you know, took the fruit and water. But because after giving birth I came into shape in just a month, without exhausting yourself diets and physical exercise, but simply adhering to the basic rules of nutrition.
Fear two: fear of pain
I think in the fight for the title of “The main fear pregnant” fear of pain goes side by side with the fear of gaining weight, and it is not known yet which of them will prevail. As soon as the prospect of childbirth became very real, the wave of fear over me. The stories of her friends that this is “the most beautiful thing that can happen to a woman”, and therefore impossible to think about such “trifles”, frightened even more.
Help came unexpectedly: once again flipping through your favorite magazine, found the address of the center, conducting special trainings for pregnant women to overcome the fear of childbirth. The idea of lessons is very simple, and it was formulated by scientists in the 20-ies of the last century: the emotional state of the woman affects the intensity with which she feels pain.
In other words, methodically tuning myself that I will not hurt, and I did not notice that at one point got rid of this oppressive fear. And during labor I really wasn’t painful. Except that quite a bit.
Fear three: fear of loneliness
Because the father of my unborn child we never spoke again, though parted in friendly relations, I started this to yourself: a woman with a child not wanted, but because I’ll always be alone. Clocked to such an extent that could not adequately communicate with the opposite sex and in response to any questions about their child’d get mad and snapped. I used to until a friend, a therapist showed me to my “out of the ordinary” behavior and not staged impromptu psychic session.
During the conversation the doctor explained that “we are not the first, not the last.” It turns out that even there is a statistic that claims that men treat women with children even better than alone. The child gives the potential father confidence in the seriousness of its intentions, and, furthermore, causes the appearance of “paternal instinct”, which is only stronger binds man to woman. I believe. And, the funny thing is, even being pregnant, found a soul mate with whom I live and to this day in perfect harmony, and who loves my child more than anything.
Fear four: fear of losing a career
I found out I was pregnant, twenty-three years, when the steps of the career ladder have only just started to loom in front of my eyes. Literally six months later, I was promised a promotion that radically changed my life. The condition was set one: I had to work, that is, “not sparing the stomach”.
Oddly enough, but then I was saved by the confession of my immediate supervisor. It turned out that we still live in a more or less legal society, which means that the mother is human too, she has her own rights. No one can fire you because of what you’re expecting, except for the case when the enterprise is liquidated.
The main thing – that after giving birth you again have a desire to work, because the look of a peacefully sleeping baby makes you forget about everything.
Fear of the latter: fear of responsibility
Of course, I’ve asked myself the questions: “is it I formed to raise a decent person? What I will do if they get very sick? Can I become a worthy example?” – and so on.
To be honest, I never managed to overcome this fear is to end. I’m still afraid that I could not give your baby everything it deserves. I’m still worried about whether I can be his role model. But I do know one thing: whatever happens, I’m in this world alone. My parents, my beloved, my friends – all these people took my child like a piece of me and loved him with all my heart, and therefore are ready to share the responsibility with me.
Now my baby is three years. In the fall he will go to kindergarten – and new fears, I know, take my mind. And then it will be school, College, maybe the army, first love, marriage, children. Each new stage of his life will scare his uncertainty. And every time I will overcome all your fears because I am a mother, I am strong and I CAN.