Frank conversation with the child
Statistically, parents talking to the child of preschool age with a maximum of 15 minutes a day, the rest of the time is spent on persuasion, threats, training new and other classes. The older the child becomes, the less time we spend on calls. In adolescence conversations sometimes are limited to 1-3 minutes per day. That is why this age, complex in itself, fraught with many a breakup and misunderstanding. Often a bridge by which a teenager trying to learn to communicate with their parents, become personal dramas.
To start chatting, or rather, to learn to communicate with your teenager is much more difficult than with a toddler. A Frank conversation with a teenager is not always possible, even if you do, you have established communication and child needs it.
I would like to notice that the conversation is limited to phrases like “How was school?”, “What’s new?” cannot be considered honest. Most often they are used to keep the conversation going when you are busy and can’t talk to the child.
But a conversation with a preschooler or a Junior in high school is much easier to build. This is why many psychologists recommend to start learning to communicate, to talk openly, to share positive and negative emotions experienced during the day or as a result of events that have shaken the soul of your child before school.
At preschool age emotional sphere of the child gradually becomes more complicated. He expresses his feelings not only with words, but also through intonation, gestures, postures. But his vocabulary is still quite primitive, mostly of the phrase “it hurts Me”, “You hurt me!”, “It’s fun”, etc.
At this age the child learns to restrain himself from existence of turbulent emotions, and thus creates standards of conduct in public places, with other people. A lot of this is facilitated conversations child and adult in which the adult teaches the child to respond appropriately to various situations and phenomena in the external environment, to cope with difficulties, negative emotions, not protecting him from them.
The child desperately needs in a wide range of emotions. No need to evaluate his feelings — he feels that is able to understand at this point. A little growing up or looking at the situation from the other side, he will experience other emotions. Psychologists believe that violent children’s reactions to certain situations is the result of prolonged containment of their feelings.
At this age children are very responsive to bright, colorful, amazing, you may say, fabulous. After a while, it goes away. There is fear of losing authority in the team and become the subject of discussion and condemnation, but were previously indifferent to this. Friends are chosen for gaming activities, for specific classes (“Mary is my friend, we walk together on drawing”, “doll I always play with Marina”).
I want to highlight is also quite important emotional dependence of the child of this age from an adult (parent, teacher).
Such an attitude toward the world and people around her changes in 3-4 grade, when in the current staff appear requirements. The more the child will be involved in the life and Affairs of the team, the stronger will need his approval.
According to surveys in 9 years, the interest in adults is 46.4 %, and in 10 years — just 14 %.
Please note that the interest to parents dropping from 17.9 9 years to 6.5 % in 10 years, while interest in peers increases to 46.9 25.2 %, respectively.
Thus, peers become more important than parents and teachers of children in years 9 and 10.
Focus your attention on the transition from mother’s gentle son or my father’s daughter to separate and independent child. It is important to seize the moment and learn to talk openly while the youth has not lost interest in you as an authority.
What is the importance of a Frank conversation?
In a hectic household, striving for material things, we forget the most important thing, the Foundation of their relationship is communication, warm and tender feelings, interest in the inner world of people. Starting as soon as possible, you slowly learn to build a relaxed atmosphere conducive to Frank discussion. So, day after day, creating the habit to understand each other in difficult times you will be able to resist and to find a common language, and thus become each other reliable support and support. Never too late to start, but the sooner it happens the easier it will be to raise a child-teenager. It is important to understand the child, to sympathize with him, to experience his feelings and help to cope with emerging problems before he left it for the life voyage.
Peers, the Internet, television greatly influence and shape attitude to many aspects of our lives. Talking with your child about different topics, we are laying the core of his moral values, principles, his attitude towards life. The child’s reaction to the events will depend on your efforts and what you were able to get in his mind and soul.
There is no other way to know your own child, but to support him in constant contact. Don’t ask casual questions like, “What?”, “Who are your friends?”, “How was your day?”, namely, to learn about his experiences sensations.
A few rules Frank conversation:
— For a Frank conversation necessary enabling environment — this will include the child’s share of the unseen.
For example, to sit in the evening together over a Cup of tea. The evening and intimate atmosphere most conducive to candid conversations.
One woman explained that she was very helpful to talk with the child evening trips in the car, when they are alone, a little tired and have no obligation to maintain eye contact.
You can try to talk before going to sleep, remembering all the events of the day and discussing what has affected the child’s heart.
“Revelation of door handles” — so called by psychologists the situation, when the patient is leaving and holding onto the door handle, shares his thrilling, very personal experiences.
— Trust relationship is only possible provided that for the Frank recognition of the child will not judge, criticize, shame, and especially to anyone not tell them. For example, my mother loved in my presence to tell my dad or a friend that I’m friends with a classmate and he walks me home. I didn’t like that the secret I shared with her so unceremoniously in the public domain. Later I stopped to tell her about the personal.
If you need to share children’s problems, for example, with my husband, make sure that the child didn’t know about it.
— When a person tells you about their experiences, he expects you to understand and share his feelings and accept his or her mistakes and failures. Remember, it’s nice when your friend supports and experiences with you your mistakes. And the child needs your support.
— In some cases it is possible not to speak and use the language of gestures, gaze, posture, breathing, long pauses in conversation. They’re much more eloquently Express your feelings.
— Sometimes the story can be followed by tears. They produce a good therapeutic effect, so if necessary, let the child cry. It is important that the cause of tears was not a simple trick. Very often babies cry to mitigate the punishment, calling you in pity. There is nothing to worry, just say that you need not be afraid and feel free to talk about the fact that the child does not get. In the end, even adults aunts and uncles, to be honest, I use this method.
— Don’t be afraid to Express their attitude to the story of the child. Not in a rude manner, not in a raised voice, but of exhortation and encouragement, admonition, consolation, and sometimes comments should be part of your candid interviews.
A wise mother always knows at what point and what her child needs.