Most fears are associated with the age of the children. You could even say that the appearance of certain experiences – it is a milestone in child development, a certain indicator of its maturity.
From 0 to 1.5 years: where’s my mom?
The first milestone in the history of fears – this is the age of 7 months when the baby is clearly manifest anxiety in the absence of the mother, and followed by 8 months, appears the fear of strangers. The appearance of these fears – an important stage in the emotional life, he suggests that the child could distinguish between relatives and strangers. It is a unique manifestation of the instinct of self-preservation.
How to respond to the existence of such fears? Don’t try “to break” baby “bad” behavior. On the contrary, try to reduce traumatic situation to a minimum:
Do not insist on getting acquainted with strangers, although many adults believe good manners to demonstrate the love of children. If contact with outsiders is not avoidable (e.g. doctor’s office), hold the child on hands. And if the baby is still crying, survey procedure is better to be done as soon as possible.
The second half – this time is unfavorable for the separation of baby from mother. But, if a temporary separation is inevitable, do not worry guilt. Just try to find the person to whom the child will be able to get used to.
From 1.5 to 6 years: how dangerous this world is!
At this age, I think. the child goes through all the fears which have ever been known to mankind. 2 years sometimes fear of the dark and night terrors. To 3 years the child begins to fear animals, 4 years – insects, water and heights. Apparently, these fears go back to the history of mankind and reproduce the situations that were once really dangerous. At this age also are very strong fears of fairy tale characters – Baba-Yaga, Koschei, wolf.
For some children aged two to three years is truly saving from night terrors and fears of falling asleep become bedtime rituals. For example, tub, kiss daddy, swing minute on the lap of mom, eat an Apple, put a Teddy bear next to him. These rituals eliminate uncertainty and thus relieve tension, therefore, in no case do not rush the kid.
Well, the obvious: in no event and under no circumstances it is impossible to intimidate the kid of other people’s uncles and aunts who will be taking it! Fear that you will leave him, is still one of the most sensitive.
If a child tells you that he is afraid of something, be sure to listen to it. It is useless to convince the child that there is nothing to be afraid of dogs, spiders, etc. American psychologist Edna Le Shang tells a very remarkable story. When she, like all sensible mothers, explained and insisted that “in the dark there is nothing wrong”, her daughter replied: “Mother, I fear her darkness”. Never tell your child that he should not be afraid that it’s silly, ridiculous, unworthy. Fear of not leaving a child begins his hide. Moreover, tell the child what you know about his fears and that all young children are afraid of something. The child should know that he’s okay and you love him.
From 6 to 11 years: the fear of inconsistency
With the beginning of school life, demanding from yesterday’s baby not only organization, but also the ability to get along with staff, have specific social fears. Most often this fear affected emotionally sensitive, impressionable children, all listening to heart, They are afraid of being late, fear of parent-teacher meetings, afraid to answer the Board. If we are unable to help them, fears can escalate into so-called school phobia, which won’t be easy to get rid of.
Social fears can be manifested in different ways. The child may persistently looking for any excuse to stay home. Then we should talk about what was troubling him. Often, however, the child himself can’t admit that he wants, is afraid to go to school. Therefore, it is worth considering, when previously healthy child suddenly begins to constantly complain of headaches, abdominal pain, if he upset sleep.
Do not impose on children the rules and obligations that they are unable to perform. In particular, we should not dramatize the problems of training: “You kicked out of school”, “You’ll grow up to be ignorant, go to the janitors”. Don’t be afraid, this will not happen. For the old classes your child will determine their interests and will be able to help you to enter the Institute. And now it is more important just not to be afraid of school, walk in it if not happy, at least without anxiety. For the sake of her child to give up some house rules, maintain perfect order.
Don’t need to control the kids on how to write each letter and to perform for them homework. The result of such actions can be only one – in children, there is a lack of self-confidence and ….the habit to feel anxiety for any reason. Let your child know that whatever he’s done, he can always count on your help and support.
Teenagers: fear of rejection
Hardly anyone from adults like to remember this difficult period. The teenager may receive a lot of fears about its appearance: the “ugly” features, “curves” feet…any actual or perceived physical defect is a cause of self-abasement, fear that with him no one ever wants to deal with. This is perhaps the most dependent on the opinions of others age.
You can help your older child before just accepting it for what it is. Try to take quietly to his self-seeking, to the endless parade before a mirror, tantrums and spleen. Not to ridicule his fears that he does not like everything. Opposite, tell him about the strengths of his appearance and character. For a teenager it is very important to be able to talk about themselves – maybe this will help you a popular psychological tests.
Look with your child fashionable youth magazines, learn new trends. the “Correct” clothes are often a teenager a good defense, creating confidence that it’s the same as all.
Try not to criticize his passions: “this stupid music”, “debility rockers”, “dirty punks” and so often it is for a teenager – your passport to the world and a necessary condition to become their own in the group. If your child asks your opinion, you can say that you don’t really like, but you respect his choice.
If the child has difficulties in communication, tell him the story of her youth, when you were rejected. And how you experienced how did it feel and then how you met a wonderful man, who became his dad (mom).